Its a roller coaster

The last ten days - literally and metaphorically. Starting with my birthday which I think will go down in the annals as my worst one ever. Having started the week with a nagging toothache I had made an appointment on none other than my birthday. What was I thinking? She took one look at the offending tooth, took an x ray and pronounced it beyond help - well on the NHS at least. I had one option of seeing the specialist to see if it would respond to root canal treatment. And as luck (?) would have it he had an appointment free that afternoon. So another forty minutes sitting in the waiting room to be told the same thing - I could spend upwards of £500 but there would be no guarantee. So nearly an hour and a half later I emerged feeling consumed by self-pity only to find a parking ticket slapped on my windscreen. Yes I had managed to find the only bit of the road that was for permit holders only while everywhere else had two hours. It was the proverbial last straw and I sobbed like a good 'un.

But there were good times to come - two days later Peter and I drove up to meet Kate and Jimmy at Alton Towers and had a perfect day. Blue skies. No queues. Junk food and fast rides galore. Kate came home with us for the weekend and it was nice to have her home again if only briefly. And with Pete taking time off work, lunch at Las Iguanas and a horror film made for quality family bonding time.

But the spectre of the dentist could not be put off for long. And this Friday the extraction was nigh. Ensuring I was legally parked this time, I stocked up on ibuprofen and told myself the phobia was all in my head. So far so good. No magazines in the waiting room due to swine flu (wtf?!) so nothing to do but dwell on what lay ahead. One by one the four other people disappeared into the various consulting rooms, emerging with cheery smiles. And still my name wasn't called. And I could feel the self pitying tears welling up. And then I was on my own in the waiting room so there was no social obstacle to me blubbing. Dabbing in ladylike fashion at my eyes was not stemming the flow so by the time I went in, it was a full blown tsunami. The tiny pretty perfectly toothed Romanian dentist looked at me curiously 'Oh why are you crying?'. Oh I don't know maybe because you are about to rip a tooth from my head and leave me destined to be single forever, looking like a toothless Jeremy Kyle reject. (I should point out here that I know this is totally irrational). Upshot being she decided I was not in a good place to have a tooth out - quite when she thinks I may arrive at that place, god knows. So again I drove home peering through a veil of tears feeling totally alone. I needed someone. Someone to hold my hand. Someone to gently push me in the right direction. Someone to take over the decision process. Put simply I was tired of being responsible for everything - including me.

And that feeling of woe threatened to hang around until the saviour arrived in the shape of Bella who despite suffering the effects of a monumental hangover took me out to breakfast at the Castle where with Ellen and Pete we laughed and joked and mocked Bella's sufferings. And the self-pity receded as quickly as it arrived.

true friendship

I have always trotted out the same phrase that I make friends easier with men than women but the last two weekends have opened my eyes up to that not quite being the case. I think on one level men seem to get me more quickly than the majority of women I meet and socially it has always been easier to be in a male dominated environment than female - ironic given that I went to an all girls school. But I now realise that although I may not have hordes of female friends and be the Girl Most Other Girls Want To Be Friends With, the female friends I do have are very special and certainly without them the last year would have been a lot tougher. My midweek glasses of wine with Ros punctuate the long working week perfectly and we seem to be able to cover a myriad of topics every time. A lunch with Bella was funny and chat filled. And I am lucky enough that the photography club has thrown up not just people with the same hobby but a new friend who is as unpc and coarse as me - and brilliant at producing those communications which result in a coffee down the nose moment at work. Then a brunch with Hannah who I havent worked with for nearly two years but who is always so pleased to see me and me her. Next month should see a gathering of the Beccy High Crew - the five of us covering every statistic for our generation - divorces, marriages, single parenthood, high fliers, cruisers (me!). But no matter the interval between meets, we revert back to the five school girls messing about in the common room.

I am lucky to have some very good girl friends. Not forgetting my best friend.....